You know, I think I like the fact that no one is really reading this. If they are, they're really not making themselves known. Maybe this way, I can just say what I feel and not feel badly about it, or worry about upsetting someone.
I'm having a very off day, I'm obsessing about things, and I'm just feeling really down. I'm also fairly dizzy and hazy feeling. I got into a bit of a tiff with my husband, and we got into that subject that comes back to bite us in the butt. I voiced my feelings to him, and probably hurt his feelings in the process. I feel badly about that, I just needed to get things off my chest. I feel so overwhelmed emotionally. I feel like, why me, why do I have to keep suffering through all this BS? I realize there's a lot of me and I and that sentence, so my focus isn't where it should be.
I feel like I was begging God last night to help me, to show me the way. I feel like he's not listening, though I know that's not true. I'm just not going about it in the right way. I'm coming at Him angry, and filled with fear and emotion, when I should be humbled and needy, weak and broken. That's all I am, a broken sinner, saved by grace. I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind.
I feel like I am so alone in so many ways. I know I have a great family and a great church. Aside from that, I feel like I have no real close friends. I feel like the ones I do have are probably tired of hearing about my issues. I have lost one of my best friends this year, due to her wanting to live her life selfishly, rather than love her family and friends. I don't feel close to anyone here really, other than a few, and even they don't seem too anxious to offer their shoulder to cry on. I realize I'm probably asking for way too much. I expect far too much from them. I guess I just go by how I operate. When my friends need me, I'm there for them, 100%, if they want or need it. I go the extra mile to comfort them and offer help in any way that I can. Now I feel like, wow...where is the love? I realize I'm probably the one who should be reaching out here, but do you ever just feel like you've reached out so many times, that you just can't do it anymore? Yeah, that's where I am right now.
Ugh. This is depressing, but it feels good to get it out.
My husband wants to take me to dinner, my son is going to spend the evening with his Nonna. I need to get myself looking appropriate for public viewing. I'm fairly sure my grubby t-shirt and yellow floral pants won't cut it.
More later, when I return.
-Me
5 comments:
Ahhh...going out to dinner. It's been a long time since I've done that. Long story short, let it go. Life has ways of working things out - things that seem bad turn out to be a good thing, and vice versa. Sometimes. But what do I know. All I can say is, good luck - especially with the health issues. I'm not great with advise, and I'm a lousy talker, but I've always been good at listening. I'll check in here often - again, good luck!
sinner, broken and deprived? sorta....enlightened and lifted up by God's never ending grace, strength, and POWER to OVERCOME ALL NEGATIVES of this life....ABSOLUTELY!!! We need to be proactive to God's grace and not reactive, as difficult as it may seem. We all have negatives and stresses in our lives. Many that outsiders dont see or will never know about, but it is how we handle them that makes us who we are-victims or survivors. I'm only commentting because i care. Ask your dr about B vitamins. maybe you already know about them, but they make a world of difference in the lives of women I know.
hiii *waves*
Hey there! It is me... :) :)
What am I? A real close enemy?
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